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"Pig’s in a Blanket"Written By: Mookie
Disclaimer: I don't really need to be Captain Obvious here, do I? No ownership, no money being made. Written for fun, not profit. Characters/pairing: Heero, Duo Notes: category Girls & Garters/800 points
- Word count: 1,039
Duo heard the commotion from inside the house. Out of
habit he checked for a sidearm that wasn’t there before pulling
open the door and confronting whatever was outside making the racket. He wasn’t exactly sure how to react. After gaping
at the most unexpected of sights, he couldn’t help grinning at
the determined look on Heero’s face, and the equally determined
and possibly even more stubborn expression staring right back at him.
Heero’s heels were digging into the ground, the grass was far
worse for wear with clumps showing where Heero’s sneakers had
lost the tug of war. Duo walked toward the mailbox and leaned against the
pole. As Heero gritted his teeth and pulled harder, Duo bent over
and plucked a blade of grass out of the lawn. It wasn’t like
it was going to do any more damage than Heero and his foe had done. He put the grass between his teeth, crossed his arms,
and drawled, “didn’t know I had to set a third place for
dinner.” Heero was making furrows in the grass now and the muscles
in his arms bulged as he slowly backed up. Duo had seen first hand
the sort of strength Heero possessed and the only reason he had to
be losing this battle was because he didn’t want the rope to
snap. He finally looked over at the pig and the blade of grass
fell out of his mouth. He had to be seeing things. "Heero?" An annoyed grunt told him either Heero had heard him
or was communicating with the pig nonverbally. Either way he pressed
on. "What is it wearing?" He hadn’t noticed at first. The black and white
markings on the pig and the amount of grime on the bit of lace provided
decent camouflage, Duo hadn’t exactly seen that particular accessory
up close and personal, but there was no way it wasn’t what he
thought it was. The question was why. "Ungrateful sow tried to bite me," Heero said,
followed by a flurry of words suggesting things to the pig that were
anatomically impossible. Duo rubbed his chin and draped his arm over
the mailbox. Heero Yuy was using a lace garter to muzzle a pig that
probably weighed more than he did. It was too bad no one else was
around to watch. He’d have liked to place a wager or two that
it ended up in the sow’s stomach before the day was out. Eventually he felt sorry for Heero and he went through
the bulkhead, down into the cellar, for another length of rope. Between
the two of them, they managed to contain the pig in their yard. The
lawn would need to be reseeded, of course, but Duo was sure Heero
had a perfectly good explanation. "You do have a perfectly good explanation for why
you brought Miss Piggy home to dinner?" "Who?" Heero wiped a hand at the sweat on
his brow, leaving a streak of dirt across his forehead. "Her.
Yeah." He didn’t look as confident as he sounded. "Ho, ho, ho, wait up there." Duo followed
Heero to the house and dropped an arm over his shoulder. "Got
a simple question for you, and if it’s a long story, I live here.
I’ve got all night to hear it. First, though," he wrinkled
up his nose and pulled his arm away, giving Heero a little shove toward
the bathroom. "You stink, Yuy, and I’m sure by now I do,
too. You can tell me over supper." Heero took the bathroom first while Duo took a quick
inventory of their refrigerator. He looked sorrowfully at the ham
before closing the door and taking the rising crust pizza out of the
freezer instead. He hoped it wouldn’t be a problem that there
was sausage on it. By the time they’d both showered, the pizza was
ready and Duo waited for Heero to pull a couple of sodas out of the
fridge before asking, "so tell me why we now have a pig pen out
back." Heero picked up a slice of pizza and bit into it, either
not noticing or not caring that he’d just eaten a relative of
his newfound friend. "She followed me home." Duo set his pizza back down and shook his head. "No.
No, no, no. If she wanted to be with you we wouldn’t need a new
lawn. Come on, Heero, you can tell me." He reached for his soda
and added, "I won’t laugh." At least he hoped he wouldn’t. The story wasn’t nearly as interesting as Duo thought
it would be. Relena had been given the beast as a thank you gift,
from whom and for what reason weren’t exactly clear, but apparently
Relena hadn’t known what to do with it other than give it away. He could cheerfully strangle Heero for bringing the
damn thing home, especially after it had tried to bite him. Neither
of them were vegetarians or had any unusual guilt complex about the
killing of innocent animals when it came to the food chain. Which meant that Heero had brought it home for some
other reason. It really was a shame that Duo hadn’t been able
to place any bets about the fate of the garter. When they got Relena’s
mother’s necklace back the next day, it was wrapped up in grimy
bits of lace. Fortunately Heero had brought the pig home so Duo had
nothing to do with the retrieval. The pig was in much better spirits, too. Duo could only
guess carrying around that much weight in gold and jewels couldn’t
have been very comfortable. He told Heero no. He should never have looked Heero in the eye when he
said it. He knew better, knew it was always the eyes that got him. "She’s not sleeping with us," he grumbled. He didn’t care what Heero thought. They were definitely having the ham for supper tonight. ~ * ~
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